Can't cook, won't cook

Kaye Holland can't cook, won't cook

Once upon a time, tourism boards wanted to tell us that their destination was fantastic for ‘live music’.  Then the tagline was ‘art’, followed by ‘fashion’. Fast forward to the present day and it’s all about food.

Make no mistake: food has never been more fashionable. Without fail every tourism board I talk to tells me that their city/country/region (delete as appropriate) is a foodie’s paradise brimming with farm to table (aka locally sourced food) dining venues, funky pop ups, trendy microbreweries et al.

And more often that not, they’re right: ‘It’ restaurants are everywhere and travellers and locals alike are scrambling for seats. We’re reading reviews for restaurants all around the world – from Bristol to Budapest and Bali – and queuing around the block to get in and Instagram a picture of the go- to dish.

Yet while I love to dine out the latest hotspots (in London the buzz right now is all about Hoppers and Gymnasium) and will happily spend my Saturday mornings slumped on the sofa watching James Martin’s whip up a recipe on Saturday Kitchen, I can’t – it dawned on me on Christmas Day when I was trying to assist my Mum in the kitchen – cook for toffee.

For me, dinner is about wine, cheese and flatbreads – perhaps, at a push, some olives or anything else that is ‘instant’. I thought I was alone in my kitchen crap-ness but it transpires that I am anything but. I canvassed friends as to what they had eaten on Christmas Day and the answer ranged from “dips, Pringles and panettone” to “profiteroles and Prosecco.” Very few faffed around with a Turkey, with those who had their heart set on traditional Christmas dinner heading out to a restaurant.

Why are my friends and I so useless in the kitchen? I think it’s because – thanks to daily modern life with its endless deadlines, to-do lists, gym classes, hen nights and non stop social media pressures – we’re all so damn time poor. If I actually have a free hour, I’d prefer to watch paint dry  than spend it shackled to the stove while trading 101 things to do with a ripe aubergine.

And thankfully – with M&S to the left of my door and Morrisons to my right – I don’t have to. Food halls, hummus and packets of pitta bread  have set me free.  It may not be the most nutritious diet,  but it’s one that has given me the greatest gift of them all this Yuletide: free time.

Saturday Kitchen: Coffee eclairs

Celebrity chef, James Martin, reveals how to make Coffee eclairs
 

Éclairs are a great thing to have in your repertoire – and with my recipe in the Basics chapter, they couldn’t be easier. When the times comes to fill them with cream, the trick is that rather than slicing the éclairs open or putting holes in the base, you fill them from the top. This way, the coffee icing seals in the filling, so that when you bite into an éclair, the cream doesn’t shoot out of the other end.

COFFEE ÉCLAIRS
Serves 12–14
1 quantity choux pastry éclairs (see page 20)
butter, for greasing

For the vanilla cream
1.2 litres double cream
2 vanilla pods, split and seeds removed 

For the coffee icing
350g fondant icing sugar
3 tbsp water
2 tbsp Camp coffee essence
Prepare and bake the choux éclairs as described on page 20.

Method
* Turn the oven up to 220°C/425°F/Gas mark 7 and grease a baking tray.

* For the vanilla cream, pour the cream into a large bowl, add the vanilla seeds and whip to soft peaks.

* To make the coffee icing, sift the icing sugar into a large bowl, add the water and coffee essence and whisk together.

* Using the tip of a sharp knife, pierce a hole in the rounded end of each éclair. Place the éclairs on their sides and return to the oven for a further 5 minutes so that they become dry and crisp. Remove from the oven and cool on a wire rack.

* To serve, transfer the vanilla cream to a piping bag fitted with a 6mm plain nozzle. Pipe the cream into the éclairs through the hole. Dip them into the icing to cover the top evenly. Leave on the wire rack until the icing is set.

CHOUX PASTRY ÉCLAIRS
Choux pastry is one of my favourite things to cook. I picked up this recipe whilst working as a pastry chef in a three-star Michelin restaurant in the south of France, and I’ve used it ever since. Make sure the butter, sugar, salt and water are brought slowly to the boil. If you do this too quickly, the butter will not melt and the water will evaporate. The butter should be diced small so that it melts before you add the flour. To get a really crisp texture, add half a cup of cold water to a preheated tray in the oven before cooking, and then after 20 minutes, open the door for a few seconds to let out the steam.

Makes 12–14 medium éclairs

Ingredients
250ml water
100g cold butter, diced small
1 tsp caster sugar
pinch of salt
150g strong flour
4 eggs

Method
* Preheat the oven to 180°C/350°F/Gas mark 4 and line a baking sheet with silicone paper.

* Pour the water into a pan and add the butter, sugar and pinch of salt. Bring to the boil slowly and boil for 1 minute. Add the flour in one go.

* Cook for a few minutes, beating all the time, until the mixture comes away from the sides of the pan cleanly and is smooth. Tip out onto a silicone-lined tray and leave to cool for 5 minutes.

* Transfer the cooled mixture to a kitchen mixer or large bowl and beat in the eggs, one at a time, then continue to beat until the mixture is smooth and shiny, about 2 more minutes.

* Spoon the mixture into a piping bag fitted with a large, plain nozzle, then pipe 10cm-long éclair shapes onto the prepared baking sheet. Smooth out any bumps with the tip of a wet finger. (See also page 38.)

* Bake in the oven for 25–30 minutes until golden brown and crisp.

* Remove from the oven and transfer the éclairs from the baking tray to a wire rack to cool.

Recipe extracted from Sweet by James Martin (Quadrille, £20). Photography: Peter Cassidy
James will be appearing live at the BBC Good Food Show Winter at the NEC Birmingham, 26-29 November.

Photography: Peter Cassidy

Saturday Kitchen: Baked double chocolate pudding

Celebrity chef James Martin has brought out a new dessert cookbook called Sweet. Here North Yorkshire's finest shares his recipe for a Baked double chocolate pudding with TNT.

This is a great pudding to place in the centre of the table for everyone to help themselves. Just wait for the reaction when the first spoon hits the bottom of the dish, revealing the rich chocolate sauce that forms as the pudding bakes. Serve with cream or ice cream.

BAKED DOUBLE CHOCOLATE PUDDING
Serves 6

Ingredients
100g melted butter, plus extra for greasing
3 eggs
175ml milk
250g self-raising flour
50g cocoa powder
1 tsp baking powder
150g light brown soft sugar
100g dark chocolate drops (70% cocoa solids), or dark chocolate, finely chopped into approx. 5mm dice
100g milk chocolate drops, or milk chocolate, finely chopped into approx. 5mm dice

For the sauce
300ml water
200g light brown soft sugar
40g cocoa powder

Method
*Preheat the oven to 180°C/350°F/Gas mark 4 and butter a 2-litre ovenproof dish.

*Whisk the melted butter, eggs and milk together in a jug until smooth. Sift the flour, cocoa and baking powder into a bowl then stir in the sugar.

* Pour the butter mixture onto the flour and mix well to a smooth batter. Stir in the dark and milk chocolate and spoon into the prepared baking dish.

* To make the sauce, bring the water and sugar to the boil in a saucepan, then add the cocoa and whisk until smooth. Pour evenly over the top of the batter then place the dish in the oven to bake for 25–30 minutes. The top of the sponge will be just firm to the touch, but underneath there will be a runny chocolate sauce. Serve hot with double cream or ice cream.

Recipe extracted from Sweet by James Martin (Quadrille, £20). Photography: Peter Cassidy
James will be appearing live at the BBC Good Food Show Winter at the NEC Birmingham, 26-29 November.

Photography: Pete Cassidy